It’s Not You

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What to expect

Brought to you by Penguin.

REDISCOVER WHO YOU ARE AFTER YEARS OF INVALIDATION.

Dealing with a narcissist is hard. One day their confidence and charisma pull you in, the next day they gaslight, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering what you could have done differently. Clinical Psychologist and narcissism expert Dr Ramani is here to help. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching and helping people navigate the challenging landscape of narcissism, you’ll learn how to:

  • Spot the tell-tale signs of a narcissist
  • Confront toxic cycles
  • Protect your energy
  • Create realistic boundaries
  • Reclaim and embrace your true self


Packed with expert tips and detailed advice, this book will equip you with the tools to stop blaming yourself, regain your power, heal, and take back your life.

‘A compassionate road map.’ - Jay Shetty

©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin Audio

Critics Review

  • “A compassionate roadmap and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships, helping them understand how to heal and thrive during and after these challenging relationships.”

    Jay Shetty

  • “A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”

    Mel Robbins

  • “In writing It’s Not You, Dr Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realise it’s not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”

    W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic

  • “It’s Not You tackles a subject matter so wildly misunderstood and offers a path forward for those who have been, or currently are in narcissistic relationships. With deep compassion, Dr. Ramani masterfully helps the reader shift from self-blame to seeing the picture clearly. What a profound gift it is to those who will see their experience written about in this book and feel a little less alone.”

    Vienna Pharaon, bestselling author of The Origins of You and host of the This Keeps Happening

  • “Whether you are looking to avoid damaging relationships, leave one, or finally move on from one, Dr Ramani has produced a work that is utterly essential for understanding the patterns we were never built to see coming. By lifting the veil on these people, she not only teaches us about them, but how to stop shaming ourselves for who we had to become to survive them. It’s Not You is not just life-saving, but life-restoring. More than a way out, it’s a way back, to yourself.”

    Matthew Hussey

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