The Reluctant Carer

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What to expect

An irresistibly moving, funny and urgent memoir about the reality of caring for your parents, when you can barely care for yourself.

'Moving and real, as well as splutter-your-tea funny' – Miranda Sawyer

It was the kind of phone call we all dread. Your elderly father has been admitted to hospital. Your mum is about to be left at home alone. The answer? Drop everything. Go. Help. The reality? Not so straightforward. Suddenly, you’re a kid again, stranded in the overheated house you grew up in. They need you 24/7, that much is obvious. And you want to help, of course you do. But soon your life starts to unravel almost as quickly as their health.

In between bouts of washing, feeding, cooking and fighting there are days that test you, days where everything goes wrong and days where everyone, miraculously rises to the occasion. And in between all of that, you learn how to care. But this time with feeling.

Irresistibly funny, unflinching and deeply moving, this is a love letter to family and friends, to carers and to anyone who has ever packed a small bag intent on staying for just a few days. This is a true story of what it really means to be a carer. This is The Reluctant Carer.

‘Hilarious, bitter, poignant and profound . . . like an existential soap opera – only with more laughs.‘ - Philip Hoare, author of Leviathan

Critics Review

Blissfully well written . . . This is a wonderful book: funny, moving, real and brutally honest. Every child of ageing parents should snap up a copy. Every ageing parent should probably read it, too. Far better to look at the slippery slope from the top than when you're already halfway down …
Daily Mail
It's the wisest, funniest, bravest and most essential life story I've read. I bloody love this book.
Frank Cottrell-Boyce
Brave, unflinching and funny . . . This is a troubling but important read; an honest, warts and all glimpse into the reality of unpaid caring. It left me full of respect for those who care and seething that the system isn’t giving them the support and encouragement they so obviously need.
The Irish Times
An astonishing and crucial memoir exploring the outer limits of familial love. The Reluctant Carer recounts a personal nightmare any of us could face with humour, heart and total honesty, asking vital questions of elderly care, where we’re at now, and where, one day, we will all be. How it’s as funny as it is moving is beyond me. I loved this book
David Whitehouse, author of About A Son
While he injects humour into the most serious of situations, his story never loses its poignancy. In fact, these comical asides provide insight into the real and messy family dynamics at play. The Reluctant Carer is a brave and honest memoir that could provide solidarity to those in similar circumstances, or serve as preparation for what may be to come. Through the grief, terror and inelegance of later life, it is the family bond that's most impressive in this remarkable work.
The Sunday Business Post
Simultaneously delightfully funny and profoundly sad, the RC's book is a tonic that should be prescribed on the NHS for carers everywhere.
TLS
Incredible. One of those rare books that should be dispensed on prescription to every household - captures the full glossary of emotion that goes with this role.
Lucy Easthope, author of When the Dust Settles
I absolutely loved this book. Moving and real, as well as splutter-your-tea funny, it's a clear-eyed, intimate description of what old age is really like, and what it's like trying to care for the old. It knocked me sideways.
Miranda Sawyer
As funny as it is moving and poetic, The Reluctant Carer marries the forensic honesty of Karl Ove Knausgaard with the dry wit of Alan Bennett, and is every bit as good as that sounds.
Will Storr, author of The Science of Storytelling
Compellingly written, addictive to read, The Reluctant Carer turns the demands of compassion into dark farce. Hilarious, bitter, poignant and profound, this is the human condition laid brilliantly bare, like an existential soap opera - only with more laughs. The author relays the trauma of ageing parents - and the decisions so many of us have to face - with honesty, empathy, and absolute integrity. This is the funniest, most touching book I've read in years; it will, quite frankly, break your heart.
Philip Hoare, author of Leviathan

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